A Warped Adieu from Ralph

Dearest friends,  acquaintances and loved ones:

If you’re reading this, I’ve passed away.

If this upsets you, I apologize and promise to never do it again *grin*

A while back, my sister asked me to create this website for her yoga/meditation skype classes.  I added this (hidden) page in case I kick the bucket. Sorry for hijacking your website, sis.

For starters, I want to apologize for not having a funeral.  With my family in Newfoundland and friends sprinkled across Canada, it just didn’t make sense.  Also, it’s not my style to have a big sendoff filled with religious pomp.

That said, I hope this page brings closure and a few giggles along the way  🙂   If any of you decide to gather and raise a toast in my name, I’m down with that.

Please don’t feel sad for me.  I might not be religious, but I know there’s an afterlife. I have every intention of  playing scrabble with Gandhi or smoking a fatty with Bob Marley (IRIE!).  Also, I’m really looking  forward to haunting each and every one of you — especially during your most embarrassing, private moments *evil laugh!*

When people die, we often cling to regret.  What a waste of time!  If you wish you had done things differently with me, apply that awareness to the relationships you have today, and make the world a better place..

I wasn’t always the easiest person to get along with.  But hey, I’m dead and you’re not allowed to bring that up now — you monster! LOL If I hurt you, I sincerely apologize. That was never my intention.  I’d like to think most of us are doing our best and never want to hurt others.   Maybe Jeffrey Dahmer just wanted a snack? (OK, I’m burning in hell for that one!)

If my passing makes you sad, please think of happy memories and post them on my facebook wall.

From my life coaching practice, I’ve learned a few  valuable lessons I’d like to pass on:

  • Helping others is amazing… but only offer this kindness to those who appreciate you … and, for the love of God,  don’t forget your own needs along the way.
  • Thank the Universe every day for all your blessings — especially when you’re feeling at your lowest.
  • Keep an eye on how much advice you give. It’s kinder to be fully present and truly listen.
  • The only person who can fulfill your every need is yourself.  So monitor the expectations you place on others. And while you’re at it, monitor the expectations you place on yourself.
  • Always choose the path of love over fear. Especially, love for yourself!
  • If you’re inherently selfish, please ignore these tips! LOL

As I wind up, I should mention: please don’t send flowers. I’d prefer donations to the Toronto Cat Rescue.

To friends and acquaintances living near Toronto: My apartment is packed with great stuff. This includes a crazy amount of crystals, over 100 tarot decks, tons of incense, six guitars, furniture, a cello, a piano keyboard, an adorable male mannequin named “Hank,” a $6K adjustable queen size bed, an expensive BiPap machine, artwork, fake plants, an ebike scooter, etc. My family will keep what they want and sell what’s left for reasonable prices (death is expensive and I want to leave my family as much as I can).  To that end, an Open House will be held at my apartment in the near future. To be notified of this, please send an email to my friend, Nikita.  I live at 650 Parliament Street, unit PH22, buzzer 9562.

There you have it.  Even in  death, I’m still organizing shit.

Below is a Sinead O’Connor song I’m dedicating to everyone who’s touched my life.  Even if we drifted apart or didn’t know each other very well, I want to celebrate the impact you’ve had on me.

I only wrote a handful of songs over the years. ThE ONE BELOW IS my favourite. I wrote these lyrics about losing my first cat, Opal.  Can’t wait to see her again!

This Final video includes footage from my childhood (I’m the youngest) and two final songs I want to share.

I guess that pretty much sums things up.   Along the way, I definitely faced my share of hardships. But I refuse to let that define my life. I feel very blessed for the hand I was dealt, and grateful you could join me on this crazy journey!

See you in the afterlife… unless I become a zombie!

Much love,

PS: If you’re looking for private meditation or yoga classes over skype, check out the other pages in this website.  My sister is absolutely amazing and I love her dearly! (Yes, even in death, I’m also doing promos… I need some rest!)